Siddhi Laad

March 2021

Can you see the struggle within?

Are we going to reach a destination? I have recorded broken ice sheets on an icy cold winter day in Toronto. The ice sheets were creating beautiful patterns while drifting with the waves aimlessly. I wanted to capture the ferry cutting through the ice and separating parts of the ice sheet. Similar to the current world events impacting all our lives, the ferry was separating the ice sheets and the ice was constantly adapting to its surroundings. 

I want the viewers to anticipate a different scene unfolding in the video but they might be disappointed to see that the recording contains some broken ice sheets. There is no progression to anything exciting, just like the past year has been. This work hopes to depict our lives frozen in time just like the vast ice sheets floating on the lake with no end in sight. Does accepting the hinderances positively open new channels for growth? 

I want the viewers to feel a sense of frustration, frustration that the scene is not changing, frustration that the video clip is stuck between similar scenes of water and the floating ice. Will we use this feeling of frustration to change something about our routine before the pandemic or are we waiting to go back to the so called normal as soon as possible or will we ever be able to go back to the way we used to live before? Is this a once in a lifetime opportunity for us to reshape or at the least alter anything we were mindlessly following?

Uncertainty is often portrayed in a negative light whereas it can offer endless possibilities because we might be open to trying new ideas.

Stillness or Perpetual Movement?

Emptiness, is it a feeling or an emotion?

Well it is a state of being for me since the pandemic started in 2020. 

Wherever you might live, the pandemic would have most likely touched your life or that of a near and dear one to you. 

With many feelings suddenly taking over my life, I was left in a void to rethink life itself. 

Who am I? 

What am I doing?

What do I do now?

Where am I?

Where do I go from here?

And so on…

With these overwhelming questions challenging me, all I was left with was feeling emptiness. The same thoughts and worries weighed me down everyday while I struggled to create a new path.

I am using crumpled paper to demonstrate the slow progression as it changes form. I want the viewer to feel a sense of unease and paranoia while eagerly waiting for the paper to unravel. Those are my thoughts about the recent happenings in the world depicted through a video. 

This piece was first created as a mistake. I left the camera on record mode after recording another video but the interaction of the crumpled paper’s movement with space around it was exactly how I was feeling inside. Struggling to open up and trying to express my thoughts just like the papers in the video. The slow movements of the paper are helping me to translate the anticipation as we are all hoping to see the light at the end of the tunnel.